The Horror of the Solarbane
by The NHK Ambassador
Summary: "By wearing this dark, cursed artifact over your eyes, the piercing light of the sun will be nullified, and its wearer will then start to see the world in a new light. But be warned: Once you equip this item, there is a chance that you will never be the same again..."


_She rushed to the top of her favorite grassy hill with the dangerous artifact in hand. Despite the many warnings given inside the shop, she just knew this is what her life savings was destined to buy. Once these mysterious eyeshields drape over her ocean blue eyes, the frames imbued in an inviting darkness will surely diminish the radiance of the pesky sun and allow her to see the world in its true light._

_She can feel it surging all over her body! This has to be the __intelligence_ _that so many of her peers claimed that she lacked! But now she feels mind overflowing with so much knowledge, that she feels she may break down. Is this cursed artifact too much for her after all...? No. She is still standing. As expected of the chosen one. The fairy's instant enlightenment stabilized much faster than she anticipated. And just as advertised, she can now face the former threat known as the sun without her eyelids convulsing in fear. It is at this point that Cirno realizes that a new God has been born. It is about that time to bless this fortunate land with the first divine words that will surely be documented and worshipped for many years to come._

...

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Cirno Number Nine."

* * *

**Cirno Number Nine**

**Starring: Cirno**

**The Following is based off "Mambo Number Five" by Lou Bega.**

* * *

Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine!

Everybody in Gensokyo knows it's all mine!

'Cause I'm Cirno, and I'm the strongest!

Girls say they want some ice cream, so I'll make 'em the longest!

My ice powers are second to none!

They bust up everybody's Spell Cards for fun!

Like Reimu, Marisa, Patchouli, and Suika,

And as I continue, my grazing skills get sweeter!

I gotta keep it up to keep me from getting bored,

Cause dodging danmaku is just like a sport!

Let the bullets fly; it's all good!

Now I got Merlin Prismriver's **trumpet!**

A little bit of Sakuya right on time,

A little bit of Yuyuko, so sublime!

A little bit of Youmu, two for one!

A little bit of Alice, tons of fun!

A little bit of Meiling for a ride,

A little bit of Seija's other side,

A little bit of Suwako in the ice.

A little bit of that would feel so nice!

_Cirno graces her divine presence at the front gate of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Hong Meiling, knowing a divine entity when she sees one, lets her through with no questions asked. Once inside, she runs into Flandre Scarlet. They both wind up dancing merrily towards the upstairs balcony, where Remilia Scarlet, Sakuya Izayoi, and Patchouli Knowledge are all located. They eye the visitor, waiting for an introduction._

"Cirno Number Nine!" _she says._

_...But neither of the three fools seem to understand. _

Dodge up and down, and move it all around.

Save your bombs til the sound, throw your bombs on the ground!

Dodge one hair left, a half screen right,

And make sure to keep your hitbox in sight!

Capture them once, pummel them twice,

And if you're still alive, then you're doing it right!

A little bit of Sakuya right on time,

A little bit of Yuyuko, so sublime!

A little bit of Youmu, two for one!

A little bit of Alice, tons of fun!

A little bit of Meiling for a ride,

A little bit of Seija's other side,

A little bit of Suwako in the ice.

A little bit of that would feel so nice!

_Eventually, Cirno successfully made her divine presence known (with a __little_ _help from Flandre). Satisfied with her total victory, she bids everyone farewell and sets her sights towards one of her least favorite locations, the Hakurei Shrine._

_Once Cirno arrives, she promptly sounds a rude awakening. Reimu stumbles outside wondering what that obnoxious noise was._

_Cirno points at the object and answers,_ "Trumpet."

_Reimu squints and Cirno repeats, _"It's a trumpet!"

_The three Prismriver Sisters approach Cirno; two with vexed expressions, the other on the verge of tears._

"Cirno Number Nine!" _she greets, but the deity in blue used her advanced brain power to detect that neither of them were looking for introductions..._

A little bit of Sakuya right on time,

A little bit of Yuyuko, so sublime!

A little bit of Youmu, two for one!

A little bit of Alice, tons of fun!

A little bit of Meiling for a ride,

A little bit of Seija's other side,

A little bit of Suwako in the ice.

A little bit of that would feel so nice!

It's not easy to be overpowered like me!

With this fairy on your team,

You and me are gonna reign supreme!

_After a long-winded skirmish at the shrine, Merlin managed to regain telekinetic control of her trumpet. Also while Cirno was distracted, Reimu managed to pry the cursed artifact from Cirno's face._

"Cirno Number Nine!"

_The fairy cries in panic, but to no avail. Reimu ignores the incomprehensible pleas and chucks the dark artifact deep into the woods, never to be seen again._

_Hopefully._

* * *

_Author's Notes:_

_Hope this was at least comprehensible. I may expand upon this some day, but I have another project to conclude for the time being. Thanks for stopping by!_


End file.
